Item Detail
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"It's Easier Now" (Titled by Collector)
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3/12/2016
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BYU: Tanner Building: Blue Line Deli Provo, Utah
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Male
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Urbana, Illinois
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Boseman, Montana
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22
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Friend
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LDS/Mormon
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Nathan is academically a Senior in his Junior year at BYU, studying to become an economics major. He enjoys activities like Ultimate Frisbee, country dancing, and Just Dance 2014.
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I met Nathan back in our Freshmen year, before we served our respective missions. Three years later, we ended up in the same church congregation, where he'd already met his wife Heather. He left our apartment complex at the end of that semester for the wedding. I ran into Nathan and Heather while we were all on dates at Café Rio, where I asked them if they would be willing to be interviewed. A few weeks after that, we three agreed to meet on a Saturday morning at the Blue Line Deli. First Nathan, then Heather, shared their stories. Nathan's story was very long, and so he told Heather to keep hers shorter.
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Missions – Young male members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, otherwise known as Mormons, are encouraged to spend two years of their life (generally between the ages of 18-27) travelling to a specific locale in the world to preach the Gospel. Young female members are also encouraged to go if they feel a mission would suit them. Male missions last for two years, while female missions last for a year and a half. Any romantic relationships are strictly forbidden during this period. The leaders of these missions are able to decide what sorts of music their missionaries are able to listen to. Though some leaders are more lax than others, most only allow missionaries to listen to hymns or gospel music.\rMission going-away parties – Right before someone leaves for their mission, their family and church congregation often throws them a party to say good bye and luck.\rTemple Square – Temple Square refers to the block that houses the most iconic LDS temple. In Mormon culture, this is considered to be a very romantic place, considering how the temple is a symbol for eternal marriage (a belief of Mormons). \rFor Strength of Youth – The For Strength of Youth pamphlet is a booklet produced by the Mormon church which outlines the standards for youth in the church. This includes standards on dating and gratitude, among many others.
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Breakups, dating, marriage, temple square, regret
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Ok, once upon a time, there was a girl named Sally, and so, I met this girl on my mission. In Las Vegas. Uh, I was in her ward, and she was leaving on a mission, and she … I guess her, her dad, kind of out of the blue, invited us, I don't know if he was just busy nice or if she told him to, but, um, he invited us to her, like, going away party kind of thing that they had at her house. So we went, and they had like, she was going to North Carolina, so they cooked, like North Carolina food, it was fun, and we met her, and gave her like some advice, bring lots of good music because that's really valuable on a mission, and then, um, she, later, at a ward activity, her dad came up to me and asked me for my email because she had some friends that she wanted me to, like, go see, or teach the gospel to I guess. So I gave her Dad my email, and then she\remailed me, and, we continued to email, and then we started writing letters to each other for the rest of my mission and the rest of her mission. Um, yeah. So, and she told me in her letters, she, she was pretty open and forward, so she told me in her letters that she had thought I was cute, in uh, sacrament meeting, well, it was that, but, she also said, like, she was very impressed with how I bore my testimony and how it was like simple and not very elaborate or kind of thing, I don't know if that's, I don't know why she decided to say that, I really, I appreciated that she said that, though, it made me feel good. Um, and so, after she got home, she was, I knew she was planning on going to BYU, uh, so she was in Utah looking for apartments last winter, this time last winters, so the, we went on a date when she was here, and, it was fun. I think we went … I know we had yogurt land. We went to The Wall on campus and just talked, and I felt like we already knew each other\rfairly well cuz of, um, because of our communication though letters and email and stuff, but it was, it was still fun to, like, get to know her in person, and not have like, to worry about dating because it's, not on our missions anymore, right, so we could, like, do that. Um, so, uh I was interested in her because, and, I knew she was interested in me just because of how forward she was, but looking back, I guess, now I, I maybe realize, yes, she was interested, but I don't think she was trying to be as forward as she was, I think some people just, that's just how they are rather than they're trying to like really encourage, like, I like you I like you I like you. I think she was just, that was just who she is, she was just, very honest and frank person, kind of like I am. Um, and so, on our second date, we like, gone to Temple Square, um, walked around, and we held hands, and I think we, we started dating from then, um, and I was really worried about, um, making sure that\rI liked a girl not just because we enjoyed, like, holding hands and kissing and that kind of stuff, I wanted to make sure that, I liked her because of who she was, that was really important to me. So, I … I don't know, like, I feel like I got, I really wanted to hold hands and kiss and stuff because, just, hadn't had that, for a long time, like on a mission and stuff, so I think that, like, that kind of conflicted with my real desires. And so I would go like back and forth, and be kind of inconsistent about, um, like yes I wanted to date you, and stuff, but then I was like worried that I, like you too much because we were just kissing or whatever, and, um, so I was really like, I feel like I was kind of emotionally unbalanced in that case, kind of going back and forth a lot, and it really confused her, and we had a lot of talks about it, and, eventually I just realized that, I don't know, I, ah, really, I, I, cut it off, I ended it because I realized that I hurt her a lot\rand I didn't want to hurt her more because of just my inconsistency kind of thing, and, I mean, I don't think we did a terrible job of communicating, but it wasn't the best, either. So, eh, the combination of the communication difficulty and just how I was feeling and, we, different goals, and just kind of a really confusing time that made it, I, I essentially broke her heart kind of thing. So, it was not good at all, and I vowed to not date a lot after that, like, until, that was, that was in April, we started dating around, like, March, she moved down around April, and then, yeah, we were only like officially dating for, like, less than uh, two weeks. It was really fast, almost like, this crazy stuff that happened, I think I just got scared because it was happening too quickly and blah blah blah. So, I'm not very proud of that, but, I learned a lot of stuff. So looking back, I realized that, um, we just needed to spend more time together, and not focus so much on the\rphysical side, um, I think a lot of us focus too much on that, which was why For Strength of Youth has that warning, that, you know, you, dating is to get to know people, and figure out your type, not just for pleasure kind of thing. That's like a, a part of it, but not the most important part. So that was a big realization that came out of that. Um, and then, I also realized that I had a hard time, like, making, like, committing fully to something, especially something I knew that, cuz I think of when I dated somebody I wanted to make sure I just dated them, I didn't wanna be one of those guys that was like, floating around with all these girls, kind of dating but not really, um, and so I realized how important it was for me that, it was, it was a difficult thing to commit to somebody, but how important it was to do that, and how hard it would be to do that. After being, after coming home and going on so many dates, I felt like, I was like, that's where I was like\rcomfortable, going on dates with all sorts of people. So, it's a very, still going through that today even being married, like, I'm still adjusting to the fact that I'm not single anymore, and I have to change just how I interact with people now, other, other girls, because it's so different from when, before I was married, and, now it's like, it's not that I shouldn't interact with them, it's just, it needs to be different, so, still adjusting now. It's easier, though, now that I'm married, but, yeah, I think that set me up a lot to be able to meet and date and then marry Heather because I knew, I guess, I made the mistake, I didn't, I wish I didn't have to make the mistakes to learn it, but I, I'm grateful that I learned, and so then we started dating, even though it did go pretty quickly, we, um … I don't know, it just worked. We communicate well, cuz I knew that was something important, well, sometimes, um, and we, we were just, I don't know, it\rjust works, and, yeah, it was a really nice contrast to see like, Oh yeah, this is what it should be like, kind of thing. So and, it's not to say that we don't have difficult times where we are, don't argue, but, I mean, we do argue, sometimes, not, I don't know if it's arguing, more of like we don't see eye-to-eye. But yeah, so that break-up, I think, prepared me a lot in a lot of ways to be where I am now.
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Zachary
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Strickland
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Male
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23
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ENGL 392
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Eric A. Eliason